September 30, 2025

Fighting Fire With Firmness

By Emily Poler

Both kinds of people — lawyers and non-lawyers — often tell me they could never be a litigator. Why? Because they hate confrontation. Well, here’s a secret for you: Notwithstanding my 20-plus years litigating difficult disputes, I don’t enjoy it much myself. But of course, it comes with the territory. So how do I deal with confrontation? And, also, why be a litigator if I’m not so keen on the conflict part of my job? 

First, let me make one thing clear: Not every relationship with opposing counsel is contentious. There are many cases when I have a good working relationship with opposing counsel, at least most (or some) of the time. In such cases, there will certainly be moments where opposing counsel and I push and shove or throw an elbow. However, there is usually a level of mutual respect that keeps things relatively cool. Plus, we usually share the understanding that our respective clients naturally have opposing views and, despite that, it’s our job to move the case toward a resolution.

Unfortunately, however, those occasions when I have an amicable working relationship with opposing counsel make up the minority. Matters are usually more antagonistic, and while I certainly try to be respectful of my adversaries in those cases, I’m only human — and if someone tries to dunk on me, I will give as good as I get. 

However, that doesn’t mean that I hit back the same as how they come at me. Or, put bluntly, when an opponent acts unprofessionally, shouting and threatening, I don’t play like that. 

One of the best ways I’ve found to deal with cranky opponents is to be true to who I am. I realize the word “authenticity” has been overused to the point of meaninglessness, but it’s pretty apt here. I am not a screamer. It’s just not how I communicate. There are a couple of reasons for this, and maybe an exploration of why could be a post for another time, but basically, any attorney who aggressively rants and raves makes me embarrassed for our profession. And I am not going to pile on that kind of undignified behavior. 

As a result, I deal with unpleasant adversaries on my terms. If someone screams at me, I will respond calmly and in a measured way. If they keep banging on, and particularly if they insult me or my client, I will hang up the phone or walk away from the meeting. 

Similarly, as will surprise nobody alive in the year 2025, some people are more comfortable bending facts or ignoring them all together. Again, I am not one of those. Instead, being a great big nerd, my approach is to show up to every interaction, negotiation and trial 100 percent more prepared than my adversary, in touch with reality, equipped with foreknowledge of potential problems and armed with an arsenal of viable solutions. 

While an obnoxious adversary can drive anyone to distraction, throughout the battle I really, really, really try to keep my eyes on the ultimate prize my client is after. And that is what I view as being at the heart of my role in every case and, to answer the question I raised in the first paragraph, the heart of why I’m a litigator. I’m here to help people, doing a job, representing my clients, and bringing my experience and expertise to achieve their desired goal. Pettiness, anger, and loud, loathsome behavior won’t get us to the results we want.

And, to quote Mr. Dylan, it ain’t me, babe.