Law Firm & Life
November 11, 2025
By Emily Poler
In a recent post, I talked about how I dislike conflict despite working in a profession built on adversarial relationships — and how I’ve learned to manage obnoxious opponents on my own terms. Doing that well is a super important skill. You know what skill is equally valuable for us litigators (and really, everyone)? Effectively dealing with things that feel hard or uncomfortable to do and that, as a result, we procrastinate over, ultimately making them even harder to accomplish.
It’s a topic that doesn’t get a whole lot of attention and is certainly not taught in law school, which is really about legal theories, statutes, and precedents. Of course, after graduation you can take courses to learn how to write a good brief, handle a difficult witness, or trawl the darkest depths of the Federal Rules of Evidence, but there’s very little institutional knowledge about how to handle the non-legal tasks, like managing nervous clients or promoting your own firm, that don’t come easily — and, for everyone, there’s always something that doesn’t come easily.
(Side note: While I haven’t been able to find any recent statistics, there have been studies suggesting that alcoholism is pretty common in the legal profession. It’s not crazy to speculate that there’s some causal relationship between the lack of training about how to manage the stressful aspects of being a lawyer and heavy drinking.)
Ok, so boozing aside (which I don’t do), what are the techniques I’ve learned to help me when I have to do something, whether as a lawyer or business owner, where I don’t feel comfortable? It comes down to two steps: Identifying the problem, and then determining its source.
The first step is critical because I can’t deal with headaches that I haven’t identified. The difficulty I had producing this blog is a perfect example. Before I started regularly writing this blog, I spent a long time wanting to do it. I had mental plans to do it. Plenty of good intentions. I just didn’t get started. Every morning I would come into the office believing that day was going to be the day, and everyday I would skulk home under a cloud of failure. Facing what was making me avoid this task was a crucial part of doing it.
More recently, I’ve implemented a strategy to avoid this problem, or at least minimize it. Pretty much the first thing every morning I write out, by hand, a list of what I want to get done that day, copying items from the previous day (or days) that I haven’t yet completed. For whatever reason, writing this by hand seems to be the key for me to focus and internalize information.
Obviously, there are days where things don’t get done because I’m on a deadline on another matter or in court. However, this list lets me see the things that have carried over for a couple days (or, sometimes more, more!) and ask myself why I haven’t completed those tasks. Is it because there’s something about the work that feels hard or scary? Is it because doing something is going to require a difficult conversation with a client? Is it because it might reveal that I was wrong and might have to change my position?
I can also flip back through my lists to see if there are common factors among the types of projects I tend to avoid.
So, staying with my struggle to start this blog as an example. Once I realized the pattern, I asked myself, why am I not doing it and what’s stopping me? Asking this question, I realized that I didn’t feel comfortable with my writing voice and there was a good dose of imposter syndrome lurking. This let me get some help and figure out ways around the problem. (Thanks Gregg Lieberman.)
So, now that I had a clue about why I was avoiding this particular task, I did it! Why? Because the easiest way to get me to do something is to tell me I can’t do that thing. I love a challenge.
These steps have been incredibly helpful. More than that, I’d say that by repeatedly going through this process and finishing tasks I had avoided, I’ve learned that things I thought were scary or hard weren’t actually scary or hard. And, even more importantly, the results have proved to be a lot more positive than I ever thought they would be.
And with that, I’m off to write something else I’ve been avoiding!
September 30, 2025
By Emily Poler
Both kinds of people — lawyers and non-lawyers — often tell me they could never be a litigator. Why? Because they hate confrontation. Well, here’s a secret for you: Notwithstanding my 20-plus years litigating difficult disputes, I don’t enjoy it much myself. But of course, it comes with the territory. So how do I deal with confrontation? And, also, why be a litigator if I’m not so keen on the conflict part of my job?
First, let me make one thing clear: Not every relationship with opposing counsel is contentious. There are many cases when I have a good working relationship with opposing counsel, at least most (or some) of the time. In such cases, there will certainly be moments where opposing counsel and I push and shove or throw an elbow. However, there is usually a level of mutual respect that keeps things relatively cool. Plus, we usually share the understanding that our respective clients naturally have opposing views and, despite that, it’s our job to move the case toward a resolution.
Unfortunately, however, those occasions when I have an amicable working relationship with opposing counsel make up the minority. Matters are usually more antagonistic, and while I certainly try to be respectful of my adversaries in those cases, I’m only human — and if someone tries to dunk on me, I will give as good as I get.
However, that doesn’t mean that I hit back the same as how they come at me. Or, put bluntly, when an opponent acts unprofessionally, shouting and threatening, I don’t play like that.
One of the best ways I’ve found to deal with cranky opponents is to be true to who I am. I realize the word “authenticity” has been overused to the point of meaninglessness, but it’s pretty apt here. I am not a screamer. It’s just not how I communicate. There are a couple of reasons for this, and maybe an exploration of why could be a post for another time, but basically, any attorney who aggressively rants and raves makes me embarrassed for our profession. And I am not going to pile on that kind of undignified behavior.
As a result, I deal with unpleasant adversaries on my terms. If someone screams at me, I will respond calmly and in a measured way. If they keep banging on, and particularly if they insult me or my client, I will hang up the phone or walk away from the meeting.
Similarly, as will surprise nobody alive in the year 2025, some people are more comfortable bending facts or ignoring them all together. Again, I am not one of those. Instead, being a great big nerd, my approach is to show up to every interaction, negotiation and trial 100 percent more prepared than my adversary, in touch with reality, equipped with foreknowledge of potential problems and armed with an arsenal of viable solutions.
While an obnoxious adversary can drive anyone to distraction, throughout the battle I really, really, really try to keep my eyes on the ultimate prize my client is after. And that is what I view as being at the heart of my role in every case and, to answer the question I raised in the first paragraph, the heart of why I’m a litigator. I’m here to help people, doing a job, representing my clients, and bringing my experience and expertise to achieve their desired goal. Pettiness, anger, and loud, loathsome behavior won’t get us to the results we want.
And, to quote Mr. Dylan, it ain’t me, babe.
August 19, 2025
By Emily Poler
Six months ago (or thereabouts), Laura and I wrote a joint post to introduce our new firm of Trachtman & Poler. More recently, Laura wrote her own update about how our team-up has changed her approach to work and its effect on her life. Now it’s my turn.
The hardest thing for me has been confronting the fact that I no longer have to do everything on my own. It’s still very much a work in progress, but I’m getting there (I think!). Perhaps my ingrained independence has to do with the way I grew up, or maybe it’s the fact I was working solo for seven-ish years, but my default mode in every situation has been, I got this — by myself. But now with a partner and (gasp) an actual employee, I’ve got support. A team! People I can turn to for help when I need it.
Along those lines, learning to leverage each other’s strengths has been great. A second set of eyes on any question is always helpful, but they are especially valuable when the mind behind them brings a different and, often unexpected, perspective. We’re all unique humans and solve problems in distinct ways, and when our talents are combined, that can lead to new and improved results.
Another key evolution has been learning how to speak up about the little (and sometimes not so little) things so that they don’t turn into big problems later. This is especially critical when there’s a lot going on and it’s easy to let things slide. Here’s a perfect example: Prior to settling on our fabulous offices in DUMBO (if you’re in the neighborhood, please come say hi), we looked at a bunch of other spaces and saw some that we really loved but weren’t quite right. We eventually decided on one that seemed like it would work. But before we committed, Laura spoke up and said what I was also sort of thinking, but hadn’t fully realized (or had the time to realize): the space was just okay, and not what we really wanted. We needed to keep looking. So we did, and we won. The short lesson here: If you have something to say, say it!
Of course, everything isn’t perfect yet. I’m still a one-woman IT department over here; this remains the bane of my existence. I feel like Google Customer Support folks must roll their eyes every time I contact them (yes, it’s a lot) and G-chat each other “Oh, it’s her again.” Is getting our systems up and running and talking to one another easier than it would have been 10 or 15 years ago? Absolutely. Is it seamless? Definitely not.
But that’s a relatively minor irritant. The first few months of our partnership have been incredible, and I am so excited for the future here.
July 29, 2025
By Laura Trachtman
About six months ago, after months of planning and discussing, Emily and I combined our practices. We wrote a combined blog post about the hardest and best aspects of combining our practices. Today’s post is a little update on that, and what we’ve learned and accomplished in the process.
The hardest part of combining practices, six months later, has gotten easier – while I struggled at first with the proactive versus reactive approach, now it seems not only perfectly reasonable to me, but the obvious choice (brief reminder – the reactive approach is simply taking all the work that comes to your door, while the proactive approach is cultivating the kind of work that you want to do). This has the added benefit of ensuring that I’m only taking the work that not only is the work that I want to do, but is the work that is the most efficient use of my time. Before, I would take basically anything that came down the pike, but now, I have a partner to discuss cases that are referred to me, and she offers her opinion as to whether a case is the best use of my time. As a result, I’ve begun to turn down work, which feels almost like a luxury. Just as I suspected, switching from a reactive approach to a proactive one has, indeed, made me happier.
The best part of combining practices remains having a supportive partner who will always tell me the truth and with whom I have an amazing working relationship. Being able to check in on this topic or that case just to do a reality check is, frankly, clutch.
Because the relationship is so positive, there have been unexpected changes along the way to the plan that Emily and I initially crafted. I had planned to maintain my home office; instead, we found an office space in DUMBO that we both love. We planned to just share expenses, but now, we’re cooperating on optimizing all aspects of our practice. We have already hired our first employee (!!!), and he is doing terrific work. What originally could have been described as a partnership of convenience is now a real partnership, where we work on the same cases, wander into and out of one another’s offices to share news and thoughts, and plan together for the future. This is still very much a work in progress (who gets first dibs on a matter that we both can work on, for example, or who gets priority when we both need time-sensitive assistance from our Litigation Support Assistant), but due to our open and easy lines of communication and trust, I remain excited about what we’ve accomplished so far and what I expect we can accomplish in the future.
June 10, 2025
By Emily Poler
True confession: I was feeling a little stuck about what to write about in this week’s post. At first, I considered the summary judgment motions on fair use in cases against Anthropic and Meta over AI, but I’m kind of over writing about AI at the moment. I also thought about getting into the trademark issues associated with dupes and/or whether the card mahjong players use is copyrightable, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I’ll likely come back to these topics in coming weeks (especially the one about the mahjong card), but none of these were really inspiring me.
I mean, things feel like a lot right now. Even putting aside the stress of a world burning down around us, work has been super busy. Plus, there are a number of changes afoot here at Trachtman & Poler (all good, and more on that to come). Getting some space in which to free my mind from the parade of daily tasks is a key step in my process of thinking about things, reaching conclusions, and then writing them down for this blog. That space has been missing lately.
And then, it happened. I went to a BigLaw event this week, and seeing all those shiny, soon-to-be 3L students working at large firms for the summer got me thinking about the tradeoffs people make for a career in BigLaw. It also made me ponder some of the myths of what it’s like working at a legal behemoth, as well as the misconceptions people have regarding starting your own law firm. So here we go!
For those who don’t know, BigLaw (yes, that’s how people spell it) firms hire people who have just completed their second year of law school for internships. These jobs pay well, and usually come with a lot of wining and dining meant to lure the “lucky” students into signing their lives over to these firms after graduation. This is exactly what I did.
Why? When you’re starting out as an adult (and plenty of other times too), I think some people want stability and predictability, while others are ok with or hungry for open options and unexpected opportunities. Some of this may be innate, but I also think people’s backgrounds and experiences have a lot to do with how they enter the working world. As you might have guessed, I was one of those eager for stability and predictability.
Without getting too deep into my childhood, let’s just say I grew up in a somewhat chaotic family environment. Looking back, I see how that motivated me to choose a well-mapped career path with a well defined beginning, middle and end, where through sheer hard work and grit I could outlast just about everyone else and make it to the top.
Also, money. Somewhere along the line, probably around 10 or 12 years old, it became pretty clear to me that I couldn’t — or shouldn’t — rely on anyone to support me; I definitely didn’t ever want to have to ask someone else for money. So yeah, it’s kind of obvious why I ended up going to a top law school and working in BigLaw, because if you’re any good at it, it’s a straight climb to making a lot of money pretty quickly.
But, things changed. For starters, my young adult life turned out not to be as financially unpredictable as I had imagined. I managed to graduate college and law school with pretty minimal debt, and by my second year as an attorney I was able to buy an apartment in a neighborhood that, at the time, was considered less than desirable. That meant I knew I’d be able to pay my mortgage even if I took a significant pay cut.
So once the miseries of working for BigLaw began to take their toll on me, losing 20 pounds I would rather have kept and sending me into therapy, I started realizing maybe I didn’t have to stick to the painful BigLaw career path. I became less willing to prioritize financial stability over having control of when I got to and left the office, the clients and cases I handled while I was there, who I worked for, and how I interacted with the people I worked with. So eventually, I left and went to a smaller firm. After that, I started my own firm and, recently, joined forces with the wonderful Laura Trachtman.
This background means that I now really love meeting others who also left BigLaw to forge their own paths. What we all have in common is having made a calculus about the need to balance predictability with exerting a degree of control over how and when we work. That calculation is a key element that I think often gets overlooked by people when they’re mired in the day-to-day of their careers: How much predictability (and income) do you want, how much do you actually need, and how much are you willing to exchange in the short term for more control over your daily work and life and, eventually, long-term satisfaction and earning potential?
Thinking about all this the past few days, I’ve also come to understand how people tend to look at those of us who took the risk, left high paying jobs and started our own businesses, as being somewhat brave. And sure, it definitely takes a measure of courage to do so. But it’s not necessarily harder than working for BigLaw, it’s just different. Each has its own set of sacrifices, but while the travails of working for a large firm are pretty well known (as are the $$ rewards), the tradeoffs, worries and stresses of going it alone are less well documented. This is something I’ve tried to address periodically on this blog, while also sharing the ways I’ve overcome the obstacles and made it work for me. It’s been very gratifying to hear from people that my thoughts and insights into starting and growing one’s own business have been appreciated. And hopefully, it’s helped a few people make that leap for themselves. Because one thing is certain: The sacrifices and hardships of going it alone are, ultimately, more than compensated by the freedoms and satisfactions of choosing your own road to success.
